Journal entry #1,618

It has been approximately a third of a cycle between this planets moon and sun since Tsar-Djent Peckerhead and myself crashed here. Since this planet, called Urth, is primitive, and far from any populated galaxy, we have access to neither the technology nor resources, to fix our craft and continue our mission. IT will take me a cycle to repair the transdimensional communications array. We must find ways to occupy our time. I like experimenting on the local wildlife. For example, our first encounter with life here was with a bipedal being known as a hooman, who called itself Kody and his Urth pig who he had named Wilbur, after some idiotic Urth story pig. I immediately seized them and spliced their DNA. I created a biped pigman monster who I named Pugly McRiblets. Much better title I think. The Tsar-Djent was obviously displeased. Even tho the masters condone genetic experimentation it has never sat right with him. He find his comforts elsewhere. Like this planets substance known as "Alcohol" There is a drink like this, manufactured on a planet named Wonkydonk, in our universe. Same effects but only one flavor variety. Here there are multitudes. The Tsar-Djent particularly enjoys what the humans call whiskey. If he consumes enough, he becomes quite entertaining, although he stumbles and forgets his proverbs.